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Honesty From My Journal

Rugged Rocky Mountains border the west side of Denver. They are not only beautiful to look at, but they also have value in locating directions as we drive. If I get into strange territory, I can always tell what direction I need to go by looking at the mountains. It’s a beautiful thing! Yes, until. . . the sun goes down, it gets foggy, or rain eliminates vision of the mountains. Then if I am not in an area of familiarity, I can get totally turned around and sometimes lost.

This situation can occur in our spiritual life as well. We have the Word of God as our direction finder (our mountains). So long as we keep our focus locked there, we always have our guide and know where we are. The enemy watches for any distraction, any lie he can implant, any small negatives that happen, so he can exploit them and turn them into a rainstorm, foggy thinking, or darkness of discouragement or hopelessness. It causes a loss of focus on the Word, and we can become disoriented. How do I know? I speak from experience.

Recently, I got lost in a spiritual fog, but God is faithful. Here’s what my journal recorded:

Lord, my God, You know my heart and my soul. They have been upside down. What is attacking me Lord? Am I attacking myself? I’ve been calling it a spirit of discouragement, or even at times despondency [melancholy, disheartenment, hopelessness, low spirits, gloom, desolation, disappointment, dejection, sadness]. These are not worthy of a child of the most High God. So, Father, help me see the source and return to Your joy. I bow before You. You’ve been telling me to read Cast Up A Highway. I begin reading in 'Pilings of Faith' (Chapter 4).

Faith Definition #1 Hebrews 13:7 . . . leaning of the entire human personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power wisdom and goodness. So, am I leaning my entire personality on God?

Personality: the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual's distinctive character

I feel my personality changing into more reserved rather than out going, insecure rather than confident. Why Lord? Am I leaning my entire PERSONALITY on You, God?

Personality: character, nature, disposition, temperament, makeup, persona, psyche, charisma, magnetism, strength/force of personality, character, charm, presence.

Who am I? Who did You create me to be? What is my purpose? My strength/force of personality is You Holy Spirit ~ You live Your life in me, and then strength and forcefulness emerges. [The fog is beginning to clear]

'Leaning my entire personality on God'; my character, nature, disposition, persona, presence must be leaned on You. . . must be enveloped in You, Lord. On my own it is subject to the enemy’s attacks as above. The enemy attacks my emotions, but I SAY I do not live by my feelings, but by the Word of God.

Col 2:7 says the “roots of my being” . . . the heart of who I am. . .  my very personality must be firmly and deeply planted in the Word of God. If the strength/force of my personality is deeply planted in Your Word (in Your Son Jesus), then it draws its nourishment, its very life from You Jesus, and from the Word. Jesus, I want Your personality for myself; You live in me, indwell me, live through me. Why not, Lord?

The end of the verse talks about thanksgiving. How thankful have I been? Not very. Have not “thought” thankful, not spoken thankful, not “felt” thankful. Jesus, I repent of my selfishness, thinking only of me, focusing inward on me. What a mess I am. Help me Jesus. Help me, indwelling Holy Spirit, to be who You want me to be: thankful for all the many blessings You have put in my life, responding to Your call to love others as You love me, following Your light on the path You have put me on and having faith You are taking me somewhere.

AHA! The fog lifts: Because I cannot see the end of the path ~ where it is going ~ and because of enemy lies, I misplaced my trust that You are the light on the path, and there really is a path I am on, and it is Your path; yes, because of my lack of faith, the enemy has been able to plant subtle lies in my head!

Truth is: You have put me on a path, and it is guiding me to fulfill Your purpose in my life. I choose to return to trusting You, my Father. I give every day to You asking Your light to shine on my path. Your plan for my life is a good one and I trust You in this Word (Jeremiah 29:11); You're leading me; I shall follow You. Holy Spirit, thank You for guiding me on this journey this morning. The Son shines through the fog!
The Word shows what happened:Hebrews 3:12-14(MSG)
So watch your step, friends. Make sure there's no evil unbelief lying around that will trip you up and throw you off course, diverting you from the living God. . . Sorry Lord.

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